JShu on the Journey

A Kansan takes on Missouri

Archive for July 2011

“The lesson is slog”

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That’s me, trying to make any progress at all in family, in work, relationships, self-image: scootch, scootch, stall; scootch, stall, catastrophic reversal; bog, bog, scootch. I wish grace and healing were more abracadabra kinds of things; also, that delicate silver bells would ring to announce grace’s arrival. But no, it’s clog and slog and scootch, on the floor, in silence, in the dark.

I suppose that if you were snatched out of the mess, you’d miss the lesson; the lesson is the slog. I grew up thinking the lessons should be more like the von Trapp children: more marionettes, more dirndls and harmonies. But no: it’s slog, bog, scootch.

— Anne Lamott, from “Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith”

Written by Jessica

July 3, 2011 at 12:47 pm

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Throwing the drawing board out

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It’s bad enough to experience rejection once, but this week it came twice. On the same day. That was fun.

I’ve been getting a lot of rejection lately. One other instance of rejection prompted a friend to say that often, “Rejection is a form of God’s protection.”

I generally resent the idea of needing to to be protected by what I think I want, but I guess that brings up the question of — “God, what do you want?” and “Why am I here, at this place in my life, with no idea what I’m doing here and where or how to proceed?” Or even worse, “Why do I have to wait?”

I’ve been back to the drawing board so many times over the last year and a half or so that I feel like it’s time to throw the drawing board out. For now. Maybe there will be a time where it’s right. But it’s emphatically wrong now, it seems. I keep trying to knock down all the wrong doors and that’s so frustrating.

I’m giving up.

Maybe that’s what I need. To stop complaining and find ways to make it work.

It’s just hard, though. Being an adult is hard.

Written by Jessica

July 2, 2011 at 7:35 pm

Posted in Uncategorized