JShu on the Journey

A Kansan takes on Missouri

Archive for October 2012

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart.”

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It’s amazing how the last six months have sped on by. It’s true that the older you get, the faster things go.

There’s a lot of stuff that I’ve been processing through lately that I want to share (soon, I hope) and another thing underway that I have to keep under wraps for now but will hopefully turn out to be some good, but life-altering news. I don’t know what will happen, and this might be borderline blasphemous, but I keep praying, “God, please don’t let me get my hopes up only to be crushed again. Don’t let me be disappointed.”

Because, to be honest, the last time I was going through a rough patch with a lot of disappointment was a long two years. I got through it, but I don’t know if I could handle it this time around without going off the rails. The stakes are higher.

I guess that is where you have to trust that He’s got it, and there is some tying together of things, despite how messy and untied and random things seem.

I like order, plans, a clear next step, and when things are going well, I tend to feel as if I am independent and strong and don’t need God. But I do need him. And he doesn’t work in my way. He says:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

-Proverbs 3:5-6, NIV

So, in the meantime, I guess I will just keep waiting and trusting. And trying to hand over my heart and worry and fear and all of that stuff.

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Written by Jessica

October 22, 2012 at 11:11 pm

“You cannot always stay on the summits”

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You cannot always stay on the summits. You have to come down again… So what’s the point? Only this: what is above knows what is below, what is below does not know what is above. While climbing, take note of all the difficulties along your path. During the descent, you will no longer see them, but you will know that they are there if you have observed carefully. There is an art to finding your way in the lower regions by the memory of what you have seen when you were higher up. When you can no longer see, you can at least still know…

—René Daumal, The Art of Climbing Mountains (via Crashingly Beautiful)

Written by Jessica

October 7, 2012 at 1:49 am

Posted in Wisdom

The perfect verse …

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I have found the perfect verse for anxious insomniacs. This week that described me more than I’m comfortable admitting in a public forum.

It kept popping up. Again and again. Don’t you love it when scripture not just speaks, it commands your attention and application?

Here it is:

“Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Matthew 11:28

Written by Jessica

October 5, 2012 at 12:40 am

Posted in Wisdom

I hate change.

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Moving 1,000 miles away and starting a whole new life is a change I’ve embraced a few times in the last few years.

It’s challenging, but there’s a certain type of reward in building something new — local knowledge, a diverse network, finding a killer Chai tea at a local coffee shop that cannot be replicated — in embracing the unknown.

It’s a paradox that at other points in my life where change is nonstop, I go into full mule mode. As if digging in my heels and the sheer force of my stubbornness will stop things that I cannot control from taking place.

Perhaps the key in those two differences is really the illusion of control.

Currently there are a couple of changes that are afoot in my life that are eliciting my inner mule and unwillingness to budge. The life ahead that I pictured when I moved from Florida hasn’t panned out to be what I thought it would be, and not exactly for the better. It’s hard to get into that here, but it’s particularly hard when what you expect doesn’t line up with reality.

It’s even harder when you feel like you’re going nowhere and you feel a little (ok, a lot) lost.

And the realization creeps that you are continents away from where you want to be.

Why is change so constant? And why is life so hard?

Written by Jessica

October 1, 2012 at 11:48 pm