JShu on the Journey

A Kansan takes on Missouri

Archive for August 2013

eHarmony: Why I’m not a fan

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I’m a sucker for discounts. Thus, seeing a $14.99/mo. discount for a three-month subscription to eHarmony, I decided, why the hell not? I have $45, no dignity and no dating prospects currently.

Oh yeah, and my best friend met the love of her life on there and they got married two months ago.

Me and my friend.

Me and my friend.

I’ve been on the site twice before. I had a subscription for one month about three years ago, then another month a few months ago.

It’s only been about a week and I’m already hating it again. Here are my hangups about the site.

1) From log-in to the help screen, there are couply-couples coupling it up.

You can’t avoid them.

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They’re everywhere, parading their coupledom.


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If you’re a little burned out on online dating and harboring some bitter feelings about love, it is more obnoxious than inspiring.

2) Free weekends.

I’ve been warned that this weekend is a free one. I’m battening down the hatches. I get that it’s all about showing off the service and trying to get paying members, but it is kind of shitty to be matched with people without photos (freebie weekenders can’t upload) and who can’t see yours. The first time I was on the site, the only people messaging me were the ones who couldn’t see my photos. It sucked.

3) Physical preferences don’t come into play at all until the profile.

Unlike sites where you can search for your niche, eHarmony delivers matches to you based on your answers to their questionnaire. Now, I filled this out three years ago, but I don’t really remember looks factoring into it.

Since you can’t actively search other matches, you see a lot of people emphasizing how fit they are and how they are super athletes and yadda yadda yadda, presumably to make clear that’s what they’re looking for, too. I know I’m never going to be the apple of their eye — I’m a recovering couch potato who is just now embarking on being more fit and my BMI is off-putting to those who care about that. I get that. It seems like this type is ALL of my matches lately.

On the subject, one thing that I’ve discovered as a thing is that a surprising amount of men put “physically fit” in the section “My friends describe me as,” as if physical fitness is a character trait like the other options, like “intellectual” or “hard-working.”

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I’ve decided that these guys are douchebags. Surely you are more interesting than that and have other character traits? And who describes their friends on their physical fitness? I sure don’t. Must be a fit person thing.

4) Profiles don’t offer much space for creativity

Unlike OK Cupid, which I’m also on, the essays tend to elicit short responses. Instead of “What I am doing with my life” and “On a typical Friday night I am,” you get prompts like “The most influential person in my life has been…” and “The most important thing I am looking for in a person is…” and “The one thing I am most passionate about…” (note that the latter just ask for one thing).

5) You can tell when people reject you.

I guess this is true of all dating sites, to some extent, but it still REALLY sucks. My thing lately is when I find a normal, non-marathoner guy I send him a message through the guided messaging (you send questions, they send questions, etc.) and he disappears from my matches. Yup. I’ve been hidden (or blocked, if they disappear from your communications feed, from what I understand of blocking). It’s demoralizing.

So anyway. I’m not sure if I am just terrible with rejection (it’s possible), I’m getting terrible matches (Thanks, eHarmony) or I’m just a social leper, but it’s really bumming me out, man.

It’s a sad thing when a dating site makes me think that OK Cupid isn’t so bad.

Written by Jessica

August 30, 2013 at 1:38 am

‘Trust in the slow work of God’

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Above all, trust in the slow work of God. We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay. We would like to skip the intermediate stages. We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new. And yet, it is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through some stages of instability — and that it may take a very long time. Above all, trust in the slow work of God, our loving vine-dresser.

— Pierre Teilhard de Chardin via Sojourners

Written by Jessica

August 28, 2013 at 5:08 am

Life, lately

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This space has been quiet for awhile.

To be honest, I’ve not been sure what to write about.

In the time since that last angsty post, I’ve spent time with coworkers and old friends and my family and it’s been good.

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Last week, I turned 26. Processing that new number has been kind of weird. It feels…not so new. Like my 20s are slipping away.

Honestly, people always say time goes by so quickly, but once you are out of school, the passage of time seems to pick up like the speed of light.

My friends who had babies a few years ago now have kindergartners and preschoolers and second (or third or fifth, in the case of a friend with multiples) children.

It’s a weird, and somewhat unnerving, feeling to realize the clock is moving much faster than you realize at a given moment.

I’ve been dealing with intermittent existential angst and questions about who I am and what my purpose is and what I should do with myself (aka, what is my backup plan when journalism is no longer tenable).

I’ve also broken my two year, no-date streak. I went to lunch with a nice boy who hasn’t asked me out for a second date yet but texts me a lot and seems to be a pretty decent person. It’s a small step, but who knows?

I feel like I’ve made a lot of silly Google searches about it (I’ve suddenly realized dating, and relationships, are uncharted territory and mildly terrifying) but I’m going to try to not freak out about it and just let it be. Which is so not me, but maybe that is space for growth?

That’s pretty much all of what’s been happening as of late. I’ll have to post more often. And do some better post brainstorming. 😉

Written by Jessica

August 13, 2013 at 4:28 am