JShu on the Journey

A Kansan takes on Missouri

Things fall apart: January edition.

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It’s 10:30-ish on January 31. I’m ready for a new start already, again, so I’m pretty thankful that February 1 is upon us.

It’s funny. December 31 included work and a date with a boy, the new year beginning with a kiss, a tradition I had not yet ever actually taken part in. A little over a week later, the boy became my first boyfriend. We were boyfriend and girlfriend, a label that felt a little foreign, but right.

Then, less than two weeks later, we weren’t. The words “We need to break up” tumbled out of his lips as we sat in a low-lit Crossroads bar. It all happened so quickly and took me by such surprise, I couldn’t form words to respond.

It feels a lot less raw now, thankfully, but I still am struggling to suddenly write out a guy who had been part of my daily life for the last three months or so, much less get my head around the reasons for our uncoupling.

So anyway. Here I stand on the other side, trying to press forward. I’ve done a decent job of doing that, I think. I think I’m going to pick up watercolor painting, pick up my knitting again. Eventually I’ll rejoin online dating again (reluctantly, again) but for now I need a little space.

Anyway. I don’t want to sound depressed, because as a whole, I’m really not. I’ve been grateful for the kind words of friends and time with them. I have a decent life that stands on its own, apart from being attached to a man.

Oddly enough, between this guy and the last guy I saw, I have this growing feeling that if it’s not him, there is a man out there who will be right. It’s a weird confidence, but it feels true in a way that it hasn’t before.

I just wish he’d hurry up and get here already…

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Written by Jessica

January 31, 2016 at 11:48 pm

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