JShu on the Journey

A Kansan takes on Missouri

Posts Tagged ‘eharmony

eHarmony: Why I’m not a fan

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I’m a sucker for discounts. Thus, seeing a $14.99/mo. discount for a three-month subscription to eHarmony, I decided, why the hell not? I have $45, no dignity and no dating prospects currently.

Oh yeah, and my best friend met the love of her life on there and they got married two months ago.

Me and my friend.

Me and my friend.

I’ve been on the site twice before. I had a subscription for one month about three years ago, then another month a few months ago.

It’s only been about a week and I’m already hating it again. Here are my hangups about the site.

1) From log-in to the help screen, there are couply-couples coupling it up.

You can’t avoid them.

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They’re everywhere, parading their coupledom.


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If you’re a little burned out on online dating and harboring some bitter feelings about love, it is more obnoxious than inspiring.

2) Free weekends.

I’ve been warned that this weekend is a free one. I’m battening down the hatches. I get that it’s all about showing off the service and trying to get paying members, but it is kind of shitty to be matched with people without photos (freebie weekenders can’t upload) and who can’t see yours. The first time I was on the site, the only people messaging me were the ones who couldn’t see my photos. It sucked.

3) Physical preferences don’t come into play at all until the profile.

Unlike sites where you can search for your niche, eHarmony delivers matches to you based on your answers to their questionnaire. Now, I filled this out three years ago, but I don’t really remember looks factoring into it.

Since you can’t actively search other matches, you see a lot of people emphasizing how fit they are and how they are super athletes and yadda yadda yadda, presumably to make clear that’s what they’re looking for, too. I know I’m never going to be the apple of their eye — I’m a recovering couch potato who is just now embarking on being more fit and my BMI is off-putting to those who care about that. I get that. It seems like this type is ALL of my matches lately.

On the subject, one thing that I’ve discovered as a thing is that a surprising amount of men put “physically fit” in the section “My friends describe me as,” as if physical fitness is a character trait like the other options, like “intellectual” or “hard-working.”

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I’ve decided that these guys are douchebags. Surely you are more interesting than that and have other character traits? And who describes their friends on their physical fitness? I sure don’t. Must be a fit person thing.

4) Profiles don’t offer much space for creativity

Unlike OK Cupid, which I’m also on, the essays tend to elicit short responses. Instead of “What I am doing with my life” and “On a typical Friday night I am,” you get prompts like “The most influential person in my life has been…” and “The most important thing I am looking for in a person is…” and “The one thing I am most passionate about…” (note that the latter just ask for one thing).

5) You can tell when people reject you.

I guess this is true of all dating sites, to some extent, but it still REALLY sucks. My thing lately is when I find a normal, non-marathoner guy I send him a message through the guided messaging (you send questions, they send questions, etc.) and he disappears from my matches. Yup. I’ve been hidden (or blocked, if they disappear from your communications feed, from what I understand of blocking). It’s demoralizing.

So anyway. I’m not sure if I am just terrible with rejection (it’s possible), I’m getting terrible matches (Thanks, eHarmony) or I’m just a social leper, but it’s really bumming me out, man.

It’s a sad thing when a dating site makes me think that OK Cupid isn’t so bad.

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Written by Jessica

August 30, 2013 at 1:38 am