JShu on the Journey

A Kansan takes on Missouri

Posts Tagged ‘marriage

If life is a highway, I’m stuck in the parking lot.

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You know you are a writer (or at least a reader) when an every day occurrence, or statement, suddenly strikes you as a metaphor for your life.

This happened to me today. After lunch. I was attempting to exit a parking lot onto a busy four lane road.

The car ahead of me was taking forever to exit, which is pretty normal. It’s busy both directions and sometimes it takes awhile.

“I’m gonna be stuck in this parking lot forever,” I thought.

That was followed by: “This parking lot is a metaphor for my life.”

Truth is, lately I’ve just been in a funk over being single. I’ve written a little bit about being on and off online dating sites (and failing at them), but lately I’ve been feeling, very strongly, that I would like to find someone to settle down with.

I don’t want to be married THIS INSTANT — I would just like to feel like I’m somewhere near the path of actually seeing marriage in the future. I don’t see getting married as a fix-all for being lonely occasionally and I don’t believe it automatically makes you a real, arrived, validated person (although those messages are out there).

I guess I should preface this by saying: aside from a kindergarten boyfriend, I’ve been single my entire life. It hit me like a ton of bricks this week that I’ve been on Facebook for nearly eight years of my 25-year-old life. I’ve never been able to click on the “In a Relationship” bit. Sigh.

After awhile, you start thinking, “What the hell is wrong with me?” And, “Why am I not being chosen?” And, “Where is God?” A whole lot of stuff (/baggage) can be wound up in our relationship statuses (or lack thereof).

I don’t want this to sound so melodramatic, because for the most part, I’m not broody. I know I’m pretty awesome (Hello, I’m great at what I do, I didn’t have 5 children before turning 25, I have a college degree, I love Jesus, I have a weird sense of humor), so please don’t let that be the takeaway from this.

I guess right now I’m just kind of in a waiting mode right now. Just hanging out in the parking lot of life.

Written by Jessica

June 28, 2013 at 8:08 pm