JShu on the Journey

A Kansan takes on Missouri

Posts Tagged ‘sara bareilles

Honestly, I want to see you be brave.

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Ok. Holy smokes I am in love with this song. I just heard it for the first time over on Lisa-Jo’s blog¬†and it made me a little teary.

I think for the first time, I’m going to participate in her Five-minute Friday challenge. Technically it’s really Saturday, but who’s keeping track? Plus I’m still up and in a Friday kind of mindset.

Five Minute Friday

Each week, she gives a word and you have 5 minutes to set a timer and write up a storm, without editing. It’s supposed to be raw and real and a creative act, free from self-editing (my inner critic makes that especially hard) and self-censoring.

This week’s word: Brave.

Let’s give it a go, shall we?

“My mom said, why can’t you be brave like Jessica?”

The words flitted into my Facebook chat screen, from a far-away friend who is often racked with social insecurity.

Ha. If she knew what it is like to be inside my head, I think she’d find a different view of me. I find it hard to see bravery in my life sometimes, mostly because so much of my life is doubt and anxiety ridden. What do other people say? What do other people think? I wonder.

I’m my own biggest critic.

I’m afraid that I’ll always be more overweight than I want to be, I struggle with being single (which I, in my twisted mindset often equate to being unwanted), I worry that I’ll never quite fit in.

Yet somehow, life moves forward. My fears usually tend to be unfounded. I live a little, learn a little, and try to take deep breaths more.

And try to hang on to a tiny sliver of hope that things will go better than expected, and the belief that God has my back and that he can handle my fears.

Jesus says, “Come to me, all who are weary, and I will give you rest.” Peter says, “Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you.”

I need to take those up more often.

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Written by Jessica

May 4, 2013 at 1:47 am