JShu on the Journey

A Kansan takes on Missouri

Posts Tagged ‘waiting

Waiting.

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So, as I mentioned in my last post, I’m waiting on an interesting piece of mail.

I have to admit, as I wait for it — possibly for up to another month and a half (I’ve been waiting since the first weekend of May) — it is hard to be patient. I am not naturally a patient person.

My stages of waiting include:

1) Initial zen/excitement
2) Grumpiness that it is taking SO LONG
3) Whininess, for similar reasons
4) Total annoyance
5) Second-guessing that anything is going to happen after all

In this case of waiting, this mail is coming.

It is currently somewhere in between point A and B. It’s in transit. It’s a physical, tangible thing (if pretty mysterious to me at this point) that, barring unusual circumstances, it *should* end up at my door or in my mailbox at some point.

But I can’t help feel like it’s a metaphor for other waiting in my life. (Roll your eyes, I don’t care. I’m a writer and see metaphors everywhere.)

Often I totally discount the thing that I’m waiting for as being in stage 5 — never gonna happen. Currently, a few deferred hopes reside in that category — like finding love and like getting to live in my dream location (which if you don’t know this by now, it’s D.C.).

The older I get, the easier it is to be cynical and to grow bitter about those, even though I don’t want to be.

I want to be hopeful, but it’s hard to be hopeful when it leads to disappointment, and ultimately, sometimes, pain.

I guess I don’t know where exactly I am going with this now. But it’s good to voice this stuff.

Life is so good, but it’s also hard. I wish the waiting part was easier.

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Written by Jessica

June 17, 2014 at 4:07 am

Posted in Missouri Living, Thoughts

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‘Trust in the slow work of God’

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Above all, trust in the slow work of God. We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay. We would like to skip the intermediate stages. We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new. And yet, it is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through some stages of instability — and that it may take a very long time. Above all, trust in the slow work of God, our loving vine-dresser.

— Pierre Teilhard de Chardin via Sojourners

Written by Jessica

August 28, 2013 at 5:08 am

Life in God’s Waiting Room

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That’s what they call Florida. Because of all the gray-haired retirees that populate this state.

It’s a little ironic. I feel like in a few ways, that I don’t really want to get into on this forum, I’m in a metaphorical waiting room right now. In a holding pattern. Waiting for something to happen. Its appointed time is yet to come. In the meantime, I’m still here. Waiting.

I’ve never been a patient waiter. In college, when something didn’t work out, I jumped to a new place. A few times.

In theory, life is big and open and there are possibilities.

In reality, we are very much dealt a number of limitations.

I feel like for whatever reason (one that I don’t know), I’m supposed to be here. No attempts at being able to go elsewhere (even when I was sure I had it) have succeeded. You can only hit a brick wall head on so many times before you give up.

Over the last few months, though, I feel like I’ve been gradually been called back to having a real, living, active, breathing faith.

A professional journalist I met this past spring encouraged me to find a home church, something that I’ve put off and eventually gave up on. He was actually the second person to do this, but he put it in a new way–one that hit so close to home. He said that news business can be so soul-sucking when one is not being fed spiritually. Let’s just say I feel like for awhile, my soul has been majorly sucked away.

For the first time in awhile, I have started going to a church frequently. I found one within my denomination and have been going pretty regularly (except for a three-week gap of a black hole earlier last month, to be quite honest), but every time I go, I feel a little more alive. More connected. People remark on my absence. I wish the church were closer — it’s 45-50 minutes away — but I love the congregation, the pastor/his family, and, crazy enough, the drive. It’s like a mini-road trip.

I am beginning to connect with other people.

Last week, the pastor focused on the importance of reading God’s word. Given the fact that I’m a slacker in so many other disciplines, I’ve definitely been a slacker there. I’ve put more energy into reading this week, via an iPhone app reading plan, and it’s been amazing how relevant each message is each day. It’s like God’s there, waiting to speak, but by not reading, I’m not giving him room to speak into my life.

I’m still in a rut, and my life is messy. But it feels like there may be a glimmer of hope left.

One verse that hit my gut this week came from the story of Abraham and Sarah. It’s where God promises the patriarch that his wife will have a child, a preposterous statement because she thought she was well-beyond child-bearing years.

She overhears this conversation between God and Abraham and laughs.

God says, “Hey, I heard that,” (ok, maybe not in those words) and asks, “Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time next year, and Sarah will have a son.” (Genesis 18:14, NIV)

Then, she becomes pregnant. Even when it seemed impossible, even preposterous that she would. And she named him Isaac, which means laughter.

I guess if Sarah can have a son, if God worked a number of ways through his people, surely nothing is too hard for him in my life.

I guess I just have to keep faith that he is doing something, even if I’m not clued in on the plan.

Written by Jessica

September 3, 2011 at 8:10 pm

Posted in Florida Living

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